Miami Dolphins rookie quarterback and former Texas A&M Aggie Ryan Tannehill did neither organization many PR favors on Tuesday night's latest episode of "Hard Knocks," in which he failed miserably at assigning NFL franchises (basically all of them) to their respective divisions. Most notably: he thought the Kansas City Chiefs played in the NFC East, which we all know to be false because of geography. (And because the Chiefs routinely go 8-8 without a never-ending stream of unwarranted, unwanted network coverage shoved down our throats. #WOOGOCOWBOYS)
There's a certain expectation here: if you're a gunslingin', square-jawed young football player from the middle of nowhere (Big Spring, Texas: East of Midland, West of most Cormac McCarthy novels), confusing, say ... Seattle's division would be acceptable. Maybe.
Or even the Big 12, what with the tumult of recent years.
Other sports, we'd forgive you. The NBA frames itself around just the conferences so much that it's hard to remember who San Antonio will bore to death next fall.
Reciting the UEFA Cup Standings? Tricky tricky, we admit.
NHL teams? In Texas, it's illegal to answer any hockey question with a word other than "Gretzky," followed immediately by a homophobic pejorative, so don't let 'em catch you identifying "Ed-mon-ton" on a map, you hear?
But this is the NFL, the Tiffany sports league of our confusingly charted nation and supposedly the end dream for any kid who's ever picked up the pigskin. And that's the scariest thing of all for Dolphins fans: Tannehill admitted to never being a fan of pro football growing up. Most teenage quarterbacks daydream about the Cowboys and Steelers and these very Dolphins. Clearly Tannehill's just as shocked as anyone he's playing in this league.
So rest easy, MIami. You're in the hands of a indifferent pro athlete who's ready to lead you to the top of the AFC Pacific Northwest.