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A Baseball Draft Rhapsody

A terrible Queen cover. About fantasy baseball.

This is the worst thing you will listen to all day A Baseball Draft Rhapsody 

 

Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?

It’s almost draft time,

And I’ve got to fill out my team.

Open your files, Look down at the prepped spreadsheets,

Should I just take Roy Holiday too early?

But now it’s time to start, time to go, and then there, Albert goes,

Then Hanly Ramirez, then goes Troy Tulowitzki

 

Oh man, I just got Evan,

He fell to me at eight, I can’t believe it, this is great

Oh man, the draft had just begun

and I know who is playing third base.

Oh man, ooh, I know this happens all the time

If that guy steals my pick I’ll throw my bottle,

Of Miller Lite, Miller Lite (when you’re broke taste doesn’t matter)

8th round. My pick has come,

Now Aaron Hill is mine, his BABIP will be fine,

Infield is complete now, I’ve got to throw

Some picks at outfield guys like Abreu

Oh man, ooh, I want saves to die

I often wish they’d never been born at all.


I see the ugly silhouette of a man,

Papeldouche, Papeldouche, gets saves but is an a**hole

I have no good pitching, very, very frightening me

(Johnny Cueto) Johnny Cueto (Johnny Cueto) Johnny Cueto, Johnny Cueto perfecto

Magnifico I get too much joy, from all this drafting

He gets too much joy, and he drafts crappily

Throw him a bone for his godawful team.

 

Here’s a steal, I must know, will you let him fall?

Oh hell nah! No, I will not let him fall.

(Let him fall) Oh hell nah! I will not let him fall

(Let him fall) Oh hell nah! I will not let him fall

(Let him fall) will not let him fall

(Let him fall) will not let him fall (Let him fall) Ah

No, no, no, no, no, no, no

(Oh baby Jesus, baby Jesus) baby Jesus let him fall

The league’s basement has a doormat set aside for me, for me, for me

 

So you think you can beat me and steal all my guys

So you think you can win with just Kendry Morales?

 

Oh, maybe, I could win this thing maybe, 

Just gotta be fast, just gotta be fast on the waivers 

 

None of it will matter, anyone can see,

None of it will matter,

None of it will matter in two weeks.

Once I lose my interest.

Photographs by cstreet.us, thelastminute, turtlemom nancy , fesek, kthypryn, justinwright, sue_elias, pointnshoot, and scrapstothefuture used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.