Col. Enos Henderson

Staff Writer

Born the sixth son of a ninth son five days after the ides of April I chose my path with careful deliberation. Growing up eschewing what my siblings called 'inside school,' for more traditional physical labors I grew strong, but morally bankrupt. After drifting in and out of casinos, cat houses, and wine bars for years on end, I saw a neon sign one rainy night that read simply "Decorum." Cold, broke and alone I wandered in where a group of nuns cared for me, and taught me what was acceptable to enjoy, what was not, and where to put the lobster fork at a table setting. Armed with this knowledge I set out again in the world, and soon was hosted and toasted in the capitols of Europe, eventually being awarded as many as fourteen separate patches and epaulettes for my charming conversation and ability to ignore lady's gaseous emissions in polite company. And that is where you'll find me today, enjoying the finer things in life, the great Art, Culture, and Sport (Rays, Magic, Bucs) of the world.