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DLT's Deadlocks: Week 10 NFL Picks

SB Nation Tampa Bay's JC De La Torre issues his latest comical look at this week's NFL games in his Week 10 pick segment.

Are the Steelers Fake?
Are the Steelers Fake?

Well folks, we knew the stars would right themselves and Jupiter would not stay in retrograde - whatever the hell that means. My super-hot start this season in the picks segment was what I thought it was - a mirage. I didn't suddenly become some reincarnation of Jimmy the Greek (he is sleeping with the fishes, right?) or  the Edgar Cayce of football.

Nostradamus wasn't wearing my pajamas after all.

So after an abysmal 6-8 week that including me going 0-3 on my upset specials, the time has come that you all have been waiting for...let the mockery and laughter ensue.

I'm about to make my week 10 picks.

Last Week: 6-8 42% Season: 86-44 66% Upset Specials: 7-8 46% Bucs Picks: 5-3 62%

Thursday Night

San Diego 30, Oakland 24 - Who will throw more touchdown passes in this game - Carson Palmer or Phillip Rivers? I'm betting on Rivers - 3 to Chargers receivers, 2 to Oakland defensive backs.

Sunday

Philadelphia 24, Arizona 17 - The dream team has finally found a team they can beat.

Carolina 26, Tennessee 20 - Cam finally gets his Cats on track while the unraveling of the Titans' season continues.

Houston 27, Tampa Bay 17 - Arian Foster goes over 200 yards rushing after Albert Haynesworth heads into the stands for five hotdogs and a Bud Light.

Miami 20, Washington 10 - Could it be that the Miami Dolphins are inspired by the Miami Marlins new uniforms? Hey, I'd be too if I saw the other team in my market having to wear those hideous things....and what's with the Vegas waterfountain thing at the new stadium? Really, Miami? Really?

 Upset Special: Indianapolis 9, Jacksonville 6 - Hey Jaguar fans, you should be thrilled I'm picking against you for my upset of the week - look at my record!

Kansas City 23, Denver 17 - I'm going to go Tebowing in front of the White House next week. Meanwhile, the namesake of the national craze will have a rough week against a bunch of embarrassed and ticked off KC Chiefs.

Buffalo 30, Dallas 20 - Okay Bills, I'm quickly losing my faith in you and you saw with my Tebow bandwagon that I'm more wishy washy than Mitt Romney. Win or else...I'll stop picking you and you'll start winning again.

Atlanta 23, New Orleans 20 - Atlanta is terrific at home, New Orleans is average on the road. The Saints come back to the pack in the NFC South once again.

St. Louis 23, Cleveland 16 - I'm not sure what happened to the Browns this season. Peyton Hillis couldn't have wrecked the locker room that bad. For those who don't believe in the Madden curse - I give you exhibit A. Josh Freeman - you stay the hell away from EA Sports.

Cincinnati 23, Pittsburgh 13 - One of these teams are fake. I'm starting to think it's not the Bengals.

Upset Special #2: Seattle 23, Baltimore 20 - The Ravens are coming off a huge victory over the Steelers (again). Its time for them to lose the following week (again).

San Francisco 30, NY Giants 14 - East coast team heads out West...and the Niners are pretty darned good.

Detroit 23, Chicago 13 - I finally picked your team Lions fans! Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Sunday Night

NY Jets 20, New England 17 - The Patriots are reeling and the Jets are hot with 3 straight wins. Even Mark Sanchez can pass against this Patriots defense.

Monday Night

Green Bay 34, Minnesota 3 - The Packers get their second bye week.

 

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Photographs by cstreet.us, thelastminute, turtlemom nancy , fesek, kthypryn, justinwright, sue_elias, pointnshoot, and scrapstothefuture used in background montage under Creative Commons. Thank you.