I warned you didn't I? I told you to stay away from my picks like they were the Black Death - but you didn't did you? You bet the house that St. Louis would beat Philly and now you're getting a divorce and living with your mom.
Hey, don't blame me. I was brutally honest with you about my ability to pick games.
That said, I had a pretty decent Week 1...for me any way. Let's see how it goes with Week 2.
Last Week: 11-5 68%
Season: 11-5 68%
Upset Specials: 1-0 100%
Bucs Picks: 0-1 0%
Pittsburgh 36, Seattle 10 - The Steelers are embarrassed, pissed off and at home. The Seahags are sticking with Tarvaris Jackson or whatever his name is. Need we say more?
Buffalo 24, Oakland 17 - One of these two teams are going to be 2-0. Can you believe it? I go with the home team because the Raiders have to travel cross-country to play the Bills. The 2-0 Buffalo Bills...hmm, I tell you right now if the Bills win the Super Bowl then the Mayans were right and the world will end in 2012.
Washington 20, Arizona 17 - Could the Washington Redskins be 2-0? Its bizarro football once again. I like the Skins at home for the same reason I like the Bills - plus I'd never take an NFC West team on the road - ever.
Tampa Bay at Minnesota - I'll be previewing this game in the big Bucs-Vikings featured article. Hint: The mascots for the winner of this game are known for their nautical skills.
NY Jets 23, Jacksonville 17 - There's no way in heck "Use the Force" Luke McCown can do it two weeks in a row, right? Right?
New Orleans 31, Chicago 28 - I was leaning Bears before Brian Urlacher's tragic loss. Condolences to the Urlacher clan and Bears fans everywhere.
Green Bay 28, Carolina 14 - There's a big difference between the Packers' defense and Arizona's. I'm afraid Cam Newton's going to discover this NFL thang ain't as easy as he thought.
Baltimore 17, Tennessee 3 - The Ravens are coming off one of their biggest victories in awhile, I'd expect a bit of a let down, still the Titans are terrible - they let Luke McCown beat them - LUKE
FU FREAKING MCCOWN.
Upset of the Week: Indianapolis 14, Cleveland 10 - It's unusual to think that the Colts are a home dog to the Dogs of Cleveland. I know Peyton (Manning)'s out but come on, guys - these are the same Browns that lost to the Bungels. Kerry Collins could sit in his rocker and beat Cleveland.
Dallas 23, San Francisco 13 - Back in the day this was a national television matchup between two of the best franchises in football, now its a contest between two teams with unrealistic playoff aspirations.
Denver 31, Cincinnati 10 - One thing Bucs fans know about the Flying Gradkowski - he's great off the bench but you don't want him starting a game for you. Bungels fans, for your sakes we hope the Red Rocket is back under center. Meanwhile, Kyle Orton shuts up the Tebow Tree Huggers for one more week.
New England 38, San Diego 30 - The game of the week pits the Patriots and the Chargers - two contenders to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl. Tom Brady was simply unbelievable on Monday night while San Diego avoided their typical week one snore fest by rallying past Minnesota. In the end, I'm going with Brady's bunch because they're home and you can't argue with that offensive machine.
Houston 34, Miami 20 - I have to admit, Brady vs. Henne turned out to be a better contest than I expected. Still, with no rushing attack to speak of and a defense that nearly gave up a single game record in passing yards, I think they'll have trouble staying with the class of the AFC South, Houston. "Class of the AFC South"...is that like being the tallest "little person"?
Philadelphia 31, Atlanta 10 - Starship 7 returns to the ATL...of course he's going to blow up on the Falcons. Atlanta starting the season 0-2? So much for the experts...
NY Giants 17, St. Louis 13 - A battle of M*A*S*H units. Giants are at home and Bradford is banged up.
Whatever you do, folks, don't go double or nothing on the house based on my picks. You don't want to end up living in a box with your mom.